"A Beautiful Testimony of God's Grace and Mercy"
                                                                                                   (Kathy, from Canada)


From Kathy:

"Here is my story as promised. You can shorten it if you like. I try but I talk to much and I of course feel that every little word needs to be there! LOL Please don't hesitate to use my name, as I am not ashamed to share it. I am even grateful for the lust I felt towards my friend for the simple fact, it allowed me to stop and listen to him and what his interests were. I am also thankful for his wonderful nature and his strong Christianity! It saved me from ruining my life. I sometimes wish we met at a different time and place because I maybe could have had more time with him, and could have gotten hubby and Rick to be friends . . . I really miss Rick some days and others I am ok with it. I suppose it is to be expected. I ask God for help and he eases my pain.

We had lived in another [Canadian] province for 12 years. My husband loved it there but his mom had gotten sick again in May and asked us to move home. We moved back home in June and she passed away in July. We had both tried for a job at the research station and I had gotten it. Hubby was really angry, sad, homesick for "home" and heartsick for him mom. We all were having a tough time. I started my two month term with a bad attitude, having no joy at home, and suffering from depression. I was suicidal and life was not worth living at all. I met this guy Rick who was on my "team" if you want to call it that. There were four of us in Pathology and I originally did not work close with him.

Rick struck me as "weird" the first couple times I met him. I automatically judged him as gay or loony! He had a picture in his lab of a guy with a gun to his head and it said "Some days I feel like this". Having some counseling training, I immediately got concerned over a suicidal person. He had also spoke of getting another job. We were in the field this one day and I asked him what his problem was. He was quite honest with me and told me he was a "Jesus freak" Well, of course I was absolutely floored . . . Uncomfortable as all get out because darn it, God was after me again . . . At that point, I figured he was insulting himself. He was not suicidal or gay, just a Christian . . .

Of course, to make conversation, or to take away my uncomfortable feelings, I did what everyone seems to do . . . Told him that yes, I was thinking of going to church, just had not found one . . . ANYTHING to get him to stop talking about that "crap" . . . God never had helped me and I was not ready to hear about him.

Let me go back here . . . I was raised in a Christian home, United Church and was confirmed at 15. I was also raped at 12 by a swimming instructor, 15 by a principal and when older, by two of my ex's. Two very abusive relationships, I had no friends in school because of my weight and my parents said they loved me but never could show it . . . I was sad, lonely and turned to sex when I was old enough . . . Drinking, drugs and other things followed. I grew up finally not so long ago and had quit drugs, alcohol and smoking.

I had other vices . . . Suicide was the first and foremost problem when I met Rick . . . I had planned and plotted. Due to an attempt that I botched big time when I was 18, I was very precise in how I was going to do it . . . Got a dirty beating and very sick the first attempt . . . THIS TIME I WOULD SUCCEED . . . Today I THANK GOD for my son because I could never quite envision leaving him . . . Anyhow . . . back to my story . . .

I started liking this Rick and I was having feelings about him because he was so kind and sweet. He had told me he wanted me to have what he had . . . How many men in my life ever told me that?? NONE!! I was falling in love . . . We had to take a vehicle back to the depot 3 hours away and Rick and I were the ones to go . . . Hubby was really upset that I was traveling with Rick and his jealousy at this point was starting to irritate me . . . Which of course made things worse for me . . .

We had lunch in the other city and we started talking. He spoke of church and God and all the things in his life that mattered. We talked the whole way home and all I wanted was to run away with him . . . I really started at that point to open up to him. He never pushed or pulled me to talk, or to do anything. God gave him the right words at the right time . . . I CRAVED what he had in his life and I wanted to be with him all the time to soak it up.

I remember sitting in the lab one day, talking with Rick. He asked me if I could trust God enough to let me down . . . That got me thinking . . . Well, every human man I ever trusted let me down . . . Why not give God a chance . . . I took the plunge Oct. 14 . . . Rick said the Heavens would sing . . . No one was singing, I did not feel any different, nothing. I went to work on Monday and told him God did not want me either . . . We talked some more and I found out God had been with me since I was 15 and confirmed . . . He had stuck by me and I ignored him the whole time . . . I never let him in . . .

I was so happy and excited and set about changing my life and falling more in love with Rick, but not as a "man" but as a really good "friend" . . . someone who I could share with . . . Hubby is a backslider and of course if it had to do with Rick, he did not want to hear it . . . Rick and I talked and spent many hours together at the end and found that we were quite often in the same place at the same time . . . We were meant to meet . . . He was my angel sent from God to tell me of the Word and how much God loved me . . .

I began to ask Rick all about what Christianity was and I started to absorb everything I could. I started going to the same church and was welcomed with open arms and many came up to me and talked of my mother-in-law. I was happy for the first time in a long time and it seemed to show at home because hubby and I were not fighting and he seemed to be happier, or was it my perception of life?

I finished my term on Oct. 31 and it was tough to leave. I was really regretting my actions. My boss hated me because of my chronic complaining and un-willingness to work. I had put my all into the last month but it was too late by then . . . I left Rick and promised to do what he said I needed to . . . Read my bible, pray and LISTEN to God . . . Find a good church, the usual . . .

We emailed back and forth and I told him of my wonder in little things and on Nov. 10, he sent me a long email telling me about my growing time and what I needed to do to get closer to My God He spoke of how God would be testing me to make sure I would turn to him when I needed someone. Told me how I would make mistakes but that it was ok . . . God would forgive me . . . I had replied, giving him a hard time about him just deserting me . . . He had emailed back he would always be there for me . . . He told me God had something great in store for us, just like we were supposed to meet. He had no idea what it was . . .

Sunday, Nov 12, I went to church. My step daughter was here so I was going to drop off my son at Sunday school and come home and visit. I saw a guy from work who told me that Rick was killed on Friday . . . I was floored. I grabbed my kid and left. My heart was in pieces . . . how was I to go on . . . I went home and cried. Hubby of course did not want to hear it and my step-daughter held me while I cried . . . I was lost and alone . . . Where else could I turn but to God . . . I had no one else . . .

Rick and a friend, Kristie were on their way south of town and some drunk was meeting them. The drunk flipped his truck and it spun right in front of Rick's car. They hit it and Rick was killed instantly . . . Kristie lost half her face and was unconscious . . . She died before she got to the hospital. The drunk driver had a broken ankle . . .

I decided I could not turn away from God . . . I needed to really hang on . . . He had taken a lot of my pain away from my childhood . . . He could maybe help with this . . . I asked and I received. I got a peace over Rick's death and the knowledge that Rick is where he belonged. He was lent to us on earth, to help people see what love is. His mom and his brother received Christ into their lives because of Rick. I wonder how many others did too . . . I had a hard time understanding how he was killed but I think I know . . . I went to see the car. Everyone else saw it but I could never see it . . . It was right there but God protected me from it . . .

I miss Rick so much . . . I always think "Oh, I should share this with Rick" when I find something really exciting . . . But he is not here . . . So I share it with God . . . I was praying to Rick but soon came to see how wrong that was. I now pray to God And I always thank God for being in my life, and for sending Rick to help me find Him . . . I am doing ok in my relationship with hubby. God has shown me that I am meant to be with him. I do love hubby with all my heart. I am happy with hubby and trying to make it work . . . I need to hang on with him and he will eventually come back to God.

I asked God for help in forgiving the drunk driver . . . I am now asking God to help this man see the light and seek God. I feel so sad for him. He has to live with the pain of taking two young, beautiful people from this earth. He doesn't need any more beatings, he will probably do it well enough himself. I sincerely hope with all my heart that he finds God to help carry his burden . . . He will need it in the coming years.

This is my story in words. There were so many special moments I shared with Rick and many discoveries. He was a man I will never forget and his impression will last my whole life through. I have asked God into my heart and I have salvation. I try hard to listen to the advice I was given and to follow it, but like the rest of us Christians, I am unworthy of God's love because I am a sinner.  I try to live a good life and listen to God's word . . . I am still learning what it means to be a Christian. If my story can help one person find their faith or even if it makes them open to hear the message, then Rick's death and my pain are worth it all.

"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord -- for we walk by faith, not by sight -- we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him." 2 Corinthians (5:6-9 NASB)